Songwriting and Other Musings...

Burn 

To burn: By flames, by words, by circumstances...

In today's blog about "Love Therapy" I wrote a song called "Burn". The imagery is described as follows: Two people on opposites sides of a bridge waiting for one or both to set that bridge on fire.

Now, I'm not one to burn bridges unless I have no regard for the other person. Still, at times I wish I could just walk away with dignity whether the person in question treated me unfairly or not. In this case, it's from someone I hold very dear to me. I don't think I necessarily burned the bridge or if I just set myself on fire by making some mistakes regarding boundaries.

You see, I have an unhealthy attachment style. But that unhealthy attachment style doesn't manifest until the relationship ends. I try anything and everything in my power to hold on to said relationship even if I'm fully aware of the transition into friendship will take time. I wanted to be friends. I couldn't do it. I asked for space. He couldn't give it to me. I then stayed and we basically did it to each other. The push and pull until he couldn't take it anymore and completely pulled the plug, or should I say, set that bridge on fire. And now it's over. Now it's done.

It's safe to say that this is probably the best outcome for both of us before this relationship turns sour. It wasn't sour. It was beautiful but major life circumstances got in the way of what could have been and there was absolutely nothing either of us could do to stop it. He checked out way before I had and to this day I'm still processing it. Had we continued the route we were going, the end could have been much worse and the beautiful memories would no longer far outweigh the bad ones. Thank God that is not what happened...at least on my part.

The song came to me this morning as the effects of what was said and done began to smack me in the face. I woke up in pain that I lost control. He was already gone and I have been blocked everywhere as to be sure I couldn't reach out to him again. And so I won't but my ego is definitely bruised.

So there we were, standing on opposites sides of the bridge. I set myself on fire first by making some same mistakes over and over and he set the bridge on fire. And I wallowed in my sorrow, raw as I sat in my room and felt all the feels and then began to do the work. I took a yoga class today and upon the first "om" in class I burst into tears. I couldn't even "om". I will miss this person. He said he won't forget me and I won't either. There was love there. Just, in some ways, not the same kind. It was all ruined thanks to life's unforgiving School of Hard Knox. And I process. And I learn.

Ever had someone in your life (memory) where you still mourn the loss because life just didn't allow you to work it out?

The Spindle 

Spindle... 

noun 

1. a slender rounded rod with tapered ends used in hand spinning to twist and wind thread from a mass of wool or flax held on a distaff. 

2. a rod or pin serving as an axis that revolves or on which something revolves. 


I find myself sort of spinning out of control and yet also sewing myself back together. I wrote a song two days ago called "The Spindle" which is entirely about my continuous struggle through this emotional roller coaster we call life. I remember well when I wrote "Angels and Demons" and it was at the beginning of my healing journey from childhood and early adult traumas. It was 2009 and I was sitting in my office in my apartment in Astoria, Queens (NY). It was late at night and I couldn't sleep. I turned on my keyboard and started to play. There is a draft from the moment I came up with the first words and chords and you can even hear the N/W train passing by in the background... That song has gone to be "the gift that keeps on giving" as every year I receive tons of messages from you saying how that song has helped you in your own journey. I thank you for that so much...

Fast forward almost 12 years later and my progress through my own healing has been in some ways great and in some ways very slow. It's no secret that I am a highly emotional and sensitive person. Sometimes it's a very good thing and sometimes it gets the best of me. But I'm trying. I really am. 

So "The Spindle". At this moment I feel like I'm finding myself spinning out of control and also trying to sew myself back together. Like I'm the spindle on a spinning wheel. I broke out my acoustic guitar and started to play some chords and it's the second song I've ever written on a guitar. So, I was very excited, I opened Logic Pro and recorded the guitar line into it. Wrote the song, recorded my draft vocals and let it simmer for a day. It originally sounded like it was going to be sort of a folksy song and it turns out, it's more of an electropop power ballad like "Running Away" (off the Erotomania album), which I also happened to co-produce and is also about my life journey. 

Anyways, here I am listening to this new production I've so far produced at home before sending it off to one of my guys to complete it and make it better and wanted to share this songwriting process with you.

Let me sew myself back together and be a better version of me. Let all the other versions of me continue to die as I evolve into the person and artist I was always meant to become. If my suffering was meant for your healing, then it's all worth it.

xo,

Melissa

*Photo taken in Toulouse, France

Love Therapy 

"Love Therapy" is focused on finding and releasing your most deep-rooted fears so your love can be freed. 

This statement couldn't be more true for me. I find myself sitting at my computer a little past midnight realizing I have 21 new songs (and counting) that I have for three separate projects... 

The first one is "Life In Technicolor"... a concept album I started writing a year ago after going through a traumatic experience in Paris as well as being intertwined in a relationship that really wasn't good for me. I then ventured off to Morocco for two months and started writing this amazing album with my friend Luca Fagagnini (producer of my album Erotomania) and found myself unable to record the first single since it pertains directly with the traumatic experience I had. So, that project is on hold. 

The second one is "Corazón Terco" (Stubborn Heart)... an album I wrote almost completely in two days with songs only in Spanish and one in French. An album that allows me to explore the fun and happy side of romantic relationships as well as those uncertain moments. Being produced by my friend David Saturn 

The third and final one is "Love Therapy"... an album I started writing a few months ago which has now become an album of healing. Love for myself as well as love for another person. It almost comes in full circle. Trauma (Life In Technicolor), Denial (Corazón Terco) (which leads to fun as to not face what happened) and then Healing (Love Therapy). 

As a songwriter I tend to write a lot and maybe sometimes too much. Either that or I have absolutely nothing to say...it's almost as if there is no "in-between". 

Anyways, I thought to share this with you tonight since I'm feeling very strongly about all three albums and all of these songs. Not to mention "Antología" which was written during the first quarantine in France back in March through May. This is the first time I think I've written this amount of songs that are fully completed and just need to be produced and recorded. Someone I hold dear to me once said "You're gonna be one of those artists that says oh this is my most intimate and personal album yet!" and I think he was right... Pouring my heart out through music is complete medicine for me and I hope you'll follow me on this journey. Stay tuned... ❤️ 

Love, 

Melissa

* Photo from the music video shoot for "With You (Contigo)" off the "Angels and Demons" album.