1. a slender rounded rod with tapered ends used in hand spinning to twist and wind thread from a mass of wool or flax held on a distaff.
2. a rod or pin serving as an axis that revolves or on which something revolves.
I find myself sort of spinning out of control and yet also sewing myself back together. I wrote a song two days ago called "The Spindle" which is entirely about my continuous struggle through this emotional roller coaster we call life. I remember well when I wrote "Angels and Demons" and it was at the beginning of my healing journey from childhood and early adult traumas. It was 2009 and I was sitting in my office in my apartment in Astoria, Queens (NY). It was late at night and I couldn't sleep. I turned on my keyboard and started to play. There is a draft from the moment I came up with the first words and chords and you can even hear the N/W train passing by in the background... That song has gone to be "the gift that keeps on giving" as every year I receive tons of messages from you saying how that song has helped you in your own journey. I thank you for that so much...
Fast forward almost 12 years later and my progress through my own healing has been in some ways great and in some ways very slow. It's no secret that I am a highly emotional and sensitive person. Sometimes it's a very good thing and sometimes it gets the best of me. But I'm trying. I really am.
So "The Spindle". At this moment I feel like I'm finding myself spinning out of control and also trying to sew myself back together. Like I'm the spindle on a spinning wheel. I broke out my acoustic guitar and started to play some chords and it's the second song I've ever written on a guitar. So, I was very excited, I opened Logic Pro and recorded the guitar line into it. Wrote the song, recorded my draft vocals and let it simmer for a day. It originally sounded like it was going to be sort of a folksy song and it turns out, it's more of an electropop power ballad like "Running Away" (off the Erotomania album), which I also happened to co-produce and is also about my life journey.
Anyways, here I am listening to this new production I've so far produced at home before sending it off to one of my guys to complete it and make it better and wanted to share this songwriting process with you.
Let me sew myself back together and be a better version of me. Let all the other versions of me continue to die as I evolve into the person and artist I was always meant to become. If my suffering was meant for your healing, then it's all worth it.
*Photo taken in Toulouse, France