Miscarriages can take a toll on a woman’s body, mind and spirit. I think out of all the topics I have been discussing with you, this may be the most difficult yet. Throughout the years I went back and forth on my decision to become a mother. I wasn’t sure. And I wasn’t sure due to all the trauma I had experienced before and also I allowed myself to be influenced by previous partners, family and even friends. For the longest time I didn’t have a solid support system of having children because in many ways my lifestyle always seemed unstable to so many people as a touring musician.
By now I have experienced a few miscarriages. One fairly recent. I was in denial of it until I received the ultimate confirmation by my doctor. And now more tests need to be done and more tests results are still being processed. I am faced now with an absolute that something is definitely wrong. We just don’t know how “wrong”.
I never grieved the loss of any of my pregnancies really. I set those thoughts to the side because I always thought “Maybe everyone was right? My lifestyle is too unstable.” But now, all those thoughts are out the window. I am 40 years old and I have a deep deep yearning to become a mother. But first, I must grieve. I must accept that these things did happen.
Do you or anyone you know have experienced a pregnancy loss? Grieve it soul sister. Let it out. Experience the grief the way it feels right to you. And as for me, well, the grieving process has begun and tomorrow is another day. Taking one day at a time is what is helping me.
This information has afforded me some closure into my emotional state for the past few months. It explains why I was much more emotional than usual. So there’s some solace there. I’m surrounded by wonderful people and have an incredible support system. I started therapy and it’s working wonderfully.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading. Much love and light to all you beautiful goddesses out there going through this. My heart feels for you.